July 4th Earth is encountered by mysterious city sized space craft. We find out what the world leaders have to say and whether the public should be concerned.
Major cities around the world including Auckland and Wellington have been over shadowed by giant flying saucers, and the public are demanding Government for answers.
Prime Minister Helen Clark said “At first we were very excited thinking they were Australian transporter ships bringing all the Kiwi’s back to NZ following Cullen’s tax cut announcement, however we later discovered this was possibly not the case.”
Reports say the mysterious space craft simply turned up out of nowhere, parked themselves above all the major cites of the world and haven’t moved since. Reason for their arrival still remains under speculation as communication with the unknown visitors has yet to be made.
Foreign Affairs Minister Winston Peters told TheOtherNews, “I thought maybe it was the Americans with that what’s her name sheila, making a big flashy entrance, or more immigrant taxi drivers with black market diplomas. But instead it looks to be our worst fear realised; Brain eating Aliens! Oh hang on, that’s only our second. Another term with Labour would be our... Oh shit, forget that! Get your facts straight. You hack journalists twist everything. Where’s my bloody driver!”
Top secret American CIA spokesman Leonard Jay Whiltshire said they have come clean saying, “Well looks like we’ve been snapped out for big this time. Those conspiracy wack jobs are going to have a field day with this. Yeah yeah, so we found one or two things over the years we kept a little hush hush, and you nagged us about knowing the truth. But the fact is - the public just can’t handle the truth! So we had to make shit up!”
NZ National Party leader John Key said “This is just another example of Labour’s mass immigration policy that’s out of control. Those noddys will pull anything to win a few extra votes in the coming election. What next, oh Lordy me.”
Meanwhile Bill Gates has been called back into Microsoft to devise a clever high tech plan to rid the mysterious evil aliens from Earth. Word on the street is George Clinton, the US Military and Microsoft are planning a system to disarm the Mothership force field defence mechanism by planting an “Electronic Virus” aboard the enemy craft. An idea proposed by David Levinson, a Jewish cable guy from New York. Gates told a press conference today that, “Hey it’s quite simple really. We get an ex rapper kid from the ghetto, throw him in a jet aircraft of some kind, send him up there, find an alien computer, throw in a floppy, and booyah!
However computer expert Seymour Ryce of Dick Smith Electronics in New Lynn said “The chances of finding a computer compatible with any Windows product, on earth let alone from another planet, will be a longshot to say the least. I think we’re doomed.”
Gates later said, “That’s ok, we’ll just send up a few more jets with new patches and annoying live updates. Fingers crossed our Beta prototype should be ready by next June provided the world hasn’t been blown up by then.”
When asked if the Apple Computer Co could devise a faster plan, the US Govt. said, “Forget it, that Jobs guy said he could have it done in a few days but his terms were unreasonable. Over twice Oprah’s monthly salary, all military aircraft be painted pearl white, drop shadows and shiney buttons on everything, column view interface, combat ready ipods... Well, you get the picture.”
Jeanette Fitzsimons of the Green Party says that the world has got it all wrong, and we are only assuming the Aliens are hostile. “It is the duty of every New Zealander to head down to the Auckland Sky Tower tonight, like on that telly Ad, and join us in welcoming our new galactic friends to our country. Hey what’s the worst that can happen?”